Saturday, June 8, 2013

Of Shrews and Spankings

Shrew = Spanking

Being submissive is proving much more difficult than I expected.  In the bedroom it has been a piece of cake. Previously, I only occasionally took the lead regarding sex in our marriage and I responded to advances only when I was interested. The key difference since saying yes to submission is that I now make my body available to Master always – I welcome any and all sexual attentions at any time (within hard-limits which are pretty minimal).  I thoroughly enjoy the sexual aspects of submission.  I've had more orgasms in more ways in the past two months than I've had in the previous two years! And these aren't just run of the mill O’s. They have been, by and large, a 15 on a scale of 1 to 10.  Big check mark in the submission positive column here! 

However, Master and I also agreed that the D/s activities would extend outside the bedroom.  We would engage in domestic discipline and we would embrace traditional male/female roles as much as we could, understanding that some things might require personal growth and boundary stretching for both of us.  We both believe that men and women are not better off for having abandoned our primal instincts.  We believe that God programmed men and women to have traits that are very different and we are best served by living into and out of those roles.  Relationships are more harmonious and productive.  The male and female traits are complementary and when fulfilled create a whole that meets what each partner needs in a way that is almost mystical.

With that said, I am struggling with the non-sexual submission.  I am well educated, professional, and way stronger-willed then I ever thought.  I work in an industry where men outnumber women 4 to 1.  I manage teams that are often entirely men and I’m very comfortable calling the shots.  I have been an equal partner in my marriage up to this point and I’m used to exerting my opinion and having it heard and valued.  These traits are innate in my personality and they are deeply ingrained after many years of marriage.  So I guess it is not surprising that I am finding submission difficult in some unexpected ways.  In the last couple of days I've encountered some situations where, quite frankly, I bombed as a sub.

As an example, yesterday I woke up in one of those moods where I am “hell on wheels”.  Shrewish hits the nail on the head.  (Master calls it “Bitchy Witchy".) Unfortunately, it usually takes me a lot longer to realize I’m in this mood than it does everyone around me. 

The situation came to a head that evening and in hind sight was really quite ridiculous. But after a day of putting up with me in shrew mode, Master finally had enough.  We were taking our older child to a sports practice and I told Master to turn at a specific spot because I believed you couldn't get to the field if we went straight.  What I didn't know was that Master had previously done a drop off at this field and knew that you could in fact go that way.  He then said that his way was better (shorter and with less speed bumps).  When I started to comment back, he gave me that Master’s warning look.

Now, you have to understand that when I’m in shrew-mode, I’m also hyper-sensitive. Which means I take everything personally and I’m not always rational.  My first thought was, “Why does he always have to be right?” My next thought was, “As a submissive, how do I deal with this?”  And then, “How am I supposed to bottle up my anger?" Followed by the even worse, “Why should I bottle my anger?”  As I ruminated on these questions, I felt more and more frustrated, confused, and yes, hurt. 

When we got home, Master (as Master usually does) picked up that something was wrong.  Eventually I spilled that I was hurt by his comment in the car.  He told me that when I debate him, it upsets him, especially when he is right. Of course, I didn't know he was right, which made me feel even worse.  Then he told me that he’d put up with my shrewishness all day.  It began first thing that morning when I complained about him waking me up 15 minutes before the alarm went off. Turns out he did this to get some cuddle and squeeze time before the day started.  Looking back on that, I feel terrible.  How many women would love to wake to their husbands cuddling and caressing them lovingly? And I responded by complaining and giving him the cold shoulder – especially bad behavior for a submissive towards her Master. 

Master decided that a spanking was clearly needed to reset my attitude.  We went upstairs with me feeling like I really deserved it.  I stripped naked and lay face down on the bed while Master got the paddle.  After twelve swats, I was feeling at peace.  It’s like a switch was flipped and my emotional state was cleared, reset, and I was again back to normal.  The shrew was once again tamed.   As an aside, I also found myself suddenly and extraordinarily horny.  What I didn't know was that Master’s plan also included taking his pleasure on me without consideration of my own release.  Luckily for me things didn't work out quite that way. But that is a story for another blog post...

1 comment:

  1. You are learning here and that is good to see. I don't think you can have 24/7 submission with a small child in the house without bending the childs mind into places that they really shouldn't go. You on the other hand because of your unique new relationship were able to see how much of a "Shrew" you had become. Shrews must be tamed you know?!

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