Saturday, May 18, 2013

Monogamous BDSM

Is BDSM the right term to use within a committed relationship?  This is something I've been noodling lately.  BDSM, in many circles, implies "doing a scene" without any long term connection, "loaning" of slaves, threesomes, etc. Many groups disdain monogamy within BDSM.

So how, in this era of everything needing a label, are we who are monogamous, but into many aspects of BDSM, supposed to refer to ourselves?  I don't particularly like to use the term BDSM for what my Master (husband) and I do.  It somehow sounds sick or twisted.  It wasn't that long ago that BDSM was classified as a psychological disorder.  Do I want to say I'm into something like that?

However, when I analyze what Master and I do, I find it hard to disassociate myself from BDSM.  Does Master tie me up?  Yes,  it's very arousing and I enjoy it a lot when does he.  Do I submit to Master's discipline?  Yes, I'm working on being more submissive.  I've given all control of my orgasm to Master.  I've gotten a punishment spanking for not following Master's rules.  I've turned my weight loss over to Master's control.  I kneel and ask for permission to get into his bed at night.  I have an eternity anklet that I wear all the time (except at my mother's house) and a collar that I wear when we are playing.  Do I enjoy pain?  Yes, to a degree.  Master has used a flogger, a paddle, a riding crop, his hand on my bum, nipples, and clit.  Master has pinched, squeezed, an clamped my nipples.

So we are definitely trekking at least into the outskirts of BDSM and I expect we will journey further.  But that journey will be within the bounds of a loving, monogamous marriage.  I'm just not sure what to call it.  I know many blogs have addressed this topic using terms like "traditional family", "Taken In Hand", "Domestic Discipline", "Dominant/submissive" - I like some of what each of these terms or labels encompass.    I just don't know if any one of them hit the nail directly on the head to describe our relationship.

Many of the "traditional family" and "taken in hand" blogs advocate against the wife working outside the home. I work full-time in a professional capacity that I find very satisfying and Master wants me to work for our increased financial security.  I did stay home with our children for many years, but Master made it clear that he expected me to go back to work once the kids were older. 

Many of the "Dominant/submissive" blogs don't consider a sub a "true submissive" if she doesn't completely put herself aside and live only to server her master.  I'm still pretty new to intentional submission, but I don't think I will ever reach that degree of submission.  I am a Christian, so I serve my God (which I do believe serving my husband is a part).  I also believe that God calls us to be servants in our communities and churches.  I have children whose needs must be met.

So, again, I'm not sure what to call myself or where we fit in.  Are there other's out there who are enjoying the benefits (and most definitely there are many) of this type of lifestyle, but can't for the life of them figure out what to call it?

1 comment:

  1. My husband and I are in a committed monogamous marriage. I work outside the home, as well as, he. I love being tied up, spanked, bruised, but only by him.

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